Unwell

I've got a rip-roaring cold (ears, throat, nose, lungs) going.  I even had to give up on my workout early last night because I just didn't have it.  I'm not sure if I'll be able to do the Max VO2 thing tomorrow.  I hope I can - I hate to wimp out.  And that's what it would feel like even if it would be the wise thing to do.

Ate generally clean yesterday.  A bit of cookie (disordered eating) in the afternoon, some hard candies supposedly to soothe my throat and a few chips in the evening.  Weight 143.0 this morning.  Cool - but my "big jeans" are still on the tighter side.  But 1 pound per week would put me at 137 by June 11.  It'd also put me under 140 before Memorial Day.  I just have to remember that it is eating (or lack thereof) that is going to get me there.  Exercise will help but only so much.  And there is nothing you can eat that will make you thin - its what you don't eat that will make you thin.

Sniffle, sniffle

As yesterday progressed, my cold got worse and worse.  To the point that I considered going home from work early and couldn't even imagine working out.  Today I woke up feeling lousy and still don't feel very good.  But I'll be working out because I failed (or just didn't want) to call Josue and cancel this evening.

Weighed 144.0 this morning - in spite of eating chips, salsa and guacamole with dinner last night.  M&D wanted to go out for Mexican.  So we did.  I didn't NEED to eat the chips but I did.  Never thought I'd be thinking of 144.0 as a "good" number. 

Just gotta keep on with it - clean eating and exercise.  New plan is to start kettlebell burn on Sunday.  It wouldn't be smart to start something new when I'm not feeling well. 

The right direction, sort of

This morning I weighed 144.5.  That's going in the right direction.  Unfortunately, I also woke up with a cold and a sore throat.  I feel a bit achy.  If I hadn't had so many meetings at work today, I would have considered staying home.  It may keep me from working out as much as I might normally.  But I probably should try rest - it is just so not in my nature to do so.

Yesterday's eating, like most days this week, was a "B".  I had a few pieces of candy at work.  I had some chips (but not too many) at dinner time.  I munched one of Mom's "Chex Turtle Bars" (totally a candy bar disguised as cereal).  So I didn't do 100% compliance 90% of the time.  But I was much closer to 90% "good" overall. 

If I can keep up a pace of 1 pound weight loss per week for 8 weeks, I'll be where I want to be by June 23.  I just need to remember that I didn't gain the weight all at once (it took 9 months) and I don't need to lose it all at once.  Patience.  But I'll sure feel better within the next couple of weeks if I can get down to 141 or 142...

Back to the routine (sort of)

I've been back from India for 4 days now and I'm more or less back to the routine.  Josue workout yesterday morning.  Tracy's swing class this morning.  I probably would have gone for a run/swim last night if M&D hadn't been here but its easy to say that because they were here.  We'll never know.

This morning's weight was 145.5.  Disappointing but not surprising.  That's my real weight - it's not water or bloat.  Yesterday's eating was pretty good, although I did have to buy a salad for lunch because I didn't get myself organized enough to bring lunch.  Also, I just had to have the chicken salad sandwich (1/4 of sandwich), mini cinnamon roll and some chips and salsa as I shopped Costco. 

Ridiculism = just like airplane food, the stuff I eat when shopping at Costco doesn't count.

I don't like getting ready for work and knowing that I have very few clothes that will fit.  It makes me anxious and uncomfortable.  That's why it is definitely time to pay "real" attention to my eating again, not just eat the healthy stuff along with the unhealthy stuff.

Hope to run or swim this evening.  Not much excuse not to....

Monday, Monday

It's back to work for me this morning.  But first, my workout with Josue.

Never got around to my Kettlebell Burn workout yesterday.  Too much going on with Andy, Ann and the kids around and all.  I'll try to start on Wednesday of this week.  Will do pictures as soon as I can get them without drawing too much attention to myself - would be nice to get the mirror in my bathroom installed for this.

Eating yesterday was pretty good as long as you don't count the Gin and Tonics, the chocolate chip cookies and the tortilla chips. 

Weight this morning = 145.0.  I think this is the "real" starting point. 

Day 1 (I hope)

Sunday morning.  The day I said I would officially start My Kettlebell Burn.  It's only 7am but I'm feeling just a hint of procrastination and some excuses setting in.  "Mom and Dad are here.  Andy's family will likely be here later.  Where will I do the TGU's?  It's too cold out to go out and do the workout now.  I'll take pictures some other day."  I hope to power through, however, and get it done.  I'd also like to get a run and a swim in (tanning!). 

Yesterday was interesting.  It started with an eye opening weigh in.  147.0.  I don't know when I last saw a number that big on the scale.  Then a kettlebell workout.  I realize that I can be pretty tough when I saw the reaction of others, especially Mark and Tracy, to my being in class so shortly after such a huge trip.  Not everyone would do that. 

Eating was good except for the handfuls of Cheerios, Bailey's, Pumpkin Scone, and frequent "tastes" of nut butter.  Funny how I had so many exceptions and yet it felt like a "good eating" day.  I guess that means there is lots of room for improvement.

Yesterday also included a trip to Lululemon to see if there was anything I "need".  Didn't find anything that wowed me but I did have the opportunity (and I use that word with dripping sarcasm) to catch a look in a big mirror.  The muffin top is definitely in residence.  I was definitely disappointed to see the extra insulation but fortunately, I had a more positive reaction than I sometimes have.  I decided that I didn't gain it all at once and it isn't going to come off at once - just have to get on the right track and it WILL come off. 

This morning I weighed 145.0.  I never really thought that would look like a good number but it definitely does, compared to yesterday.  Because I've gotten sort of accustomed to my bigger size I might have looked in the mirror and thought I was "back".  But the daily weigh-ins are important and they make things real.  So today we start kicking some ass on the extra 8 pounds I'm carrying.

Because kicking ass matters. 

Saturday workout

warmup = 4 * 5R/5L
Vo2Max at :15/:15

• 10 sets of 8
• 8,8,9,9,10,10,9,9,8,8
• 10 sets of 9
• 8,8,9,9,10,10,9,9,8,8
• 10 sets of 10
• 8,8,9,9,10,10,9,9,8,8

5 minutes of snatch/transfer at 16 snatch per minute pace

• 5 * 1 minute of swing/snatch/transfer (8 snatches per minute)
• 3 * 1 minute of 2 snatch/transfer (12 snatches per minute)
• 3 * 1 minute of 4 snatch/transfer (16 snatches per minute)
• 2 * 1 snatch/transfer each side, 2 snatch/transfer each side....4 snatch/transfer (20 snatches per round)

147.0

I weighed myself this morning as part of my "get back on that horse" project.  I weighed 147.0.  That is the most I've weight in 4 years!  I had myself prepared for 145 but 147?  No wonder I feel fat. 

But maybe that's the shocker I need to make me realize that something needs to be done now.  This isn't me playing with degrees of leanness at this point.  It isn't just water retention or need of a dump.  This is real weight gain that needs to be reversed.  Starting today - immediately - not tomorrow when I start my kettlebell workouts.  And it starts with eating, because that's where the problem is.  My exercise is good enough.

So that's what we do.  We go back to the eating habits that got me down to 135 in the first place.  Eat every 3 hours, lots of veggies, some protein at each meal and very limited dairy, sugar, alchohol,  nuts, wheat etc.

Mine is a very big ass that needs to be kicked.

Almost home

One hour to go.
I’ve been sitting on this airplane for about 15 hours at this point and we’ve got about an hour to go until we touch down in San Francisco. It should be a good time to capture some of the things I’ve been thinking over the past day or so.
First off, I feel pretty much like dog meat right now. My body just is not accustomed to sitting for so many hours in a row. I did manage to get two miles on the treadmill before leaving Dubai but airplane food, drink and idleness (not to mention a ten hour time change) wiped away any positive feeling I got from that. Further, I feel fat – plain old too-big-for-my-jeans, legs-rub-togetherr kind of fat. I know its all relative and few people, if any would say that I am actually overweight. But I know how much more comfortable and confident I felt when I was lighter and by comparison I don’t feel good.

Earlier this week I mentioned that travel had made some of my bad food habits and behaviors more visible to me. After a full week of observing myself, I’ve come up with the following ridiculisms (“truisms that are clearly ridiculous”)

• Food consumed in an airport lounge doesn’t count
• Food consumed in an airplane doesn’t count (especially alcohol and sweets)
• Food consumed to be socially correct doesn’t count
• When eating at a buffet, taking a little bit of lots of different foods is somehow less fattening than picking a few things and having a meal
• Dessert from the buffet doesn’t count – especially when you have a little bit of almost every dessert option
• Exercise while travelling counts more than exercise while at home
• Drinking lots of water completely makes up for the other not so good eating
As I said, “ridiculisms”.
I’m looking forward to getting home and starting up the good habits that I will adhere to through out my Kettlebell Burn experiment. I would have liked to be able to say “get back to my good habits” but on observing myself for the past week, I think I no longer have good habits to get back to.
But I will get there…
Food so far today (because I don’t have my paper log nearby):
• 2 glasses of champagne and some nuts (do love the business class lounge)
• Fruit and yogurt, omelette, 1 piece of roti bread
• Twix candy bar and some dried fruit
• Roasted nuts and a glass of champagne
• Salad and mezze appetizer
• Beef, beans, mushrooms and polenta
• Fruit cobbler with ice cream

Connecting

I realized last night as I was eating my buffet food that I still haven't really made the connection between what (and how much) I eat and how much I weigh.  Yes, intellectually I know the two are very tightly related.  But I can eat a plate full of buffet food all the while thinking about how I'd like to lose the 5-10 pounds I've gained.  It seems that my brain still thinks that there are things I can eat that will make me thin.  Like if I eat lots and lots of this veggie I will be thin.  I just doesn't work that way and I need to figure out how to make that connection.

Speaking of the weight I've gained - I am going to have to weigh myself when I get home.  I've fallen out of the habit of weighing myself daily because I didn't like the numbers I was seeing.  So I told myself to take a few weeks off from that.  My thinking (flawed though it may be) was that I's somehow manage to lose several pounds so after a few weeks I'd weigh in and be happy.  The fact is that without that daily weigh-in, I tend to lose track of my goals (and the connection with all the things that will  help me achieve them).   So when I get home, I restart the daily weigh-ins.  Maybe not until Sunday, but definitely at that time.

Exercise is okay.  Ran 7.5km yesterday (Wednesday) and will run again this morning before packing up my stuff.  Actually, its been pretty good this week.  Exercise can be hard while travelling and I've done well.

Food on the other hand, no so well.  I haven't been logging what I eat because 1) its been buffet style almost every meal and there are just too many items to log and 2) I don't know what half of what I eat even is.  I plan to restart my logging exercise today, starting with breakfast.

And today I get to go home - back to my fridge full of veggies and my kettlebell.  I'm looking forward to starting the official part of the Kettlebell Burn on Sunday.

Awareness is key

Once I started noticing my attitude and behaviors about eating, there are a bunch of things I've noticed.  One key one is something I mentioned yesterday (or a few days back) which is that my behavior doesn't match that of a person who really thinks she is bigger than she should be (wants to be) and that I need to adjust me eating to match.  I eat more like a person who feels she has room to over-indulge at bit.  Witness the behavior at the dinner and breakfast buffets.  Rather than just picking some nice healthy, low-cal food I had to fill my plate and sample a bit of everything.  And those samples included stuff I shouldn't eat if I really want to lose a few pounds but would be perfectly okay if all I wanted to do was maintain.  I also engage in the mindless eating - picking a piece of candy because its there, not because I want it.  Admittedly, 100 calories probably doesn't matter alot but it does add up when done multiple times per day over a period of months. 

So I have to keep telling myself:

• I really am bigger than I want to be.  Not just somewhat but to the point that my clothes don't fit.  That's real.
• Its what you don't eat that makes you thin.  Eating a little bit of alot of things is still eating alot of things and won't make you thin.

Otherwise, had a good 7.5km run on the treadmill this morning.  One more day of clean running clothes, then I'm going to have to wash my clothes or do something really gross - wear something that was already sweaty once.  Yuck.

Made it to India

It wasn't easy but I'm here.  My flight had a pre-planned delay of 4 hours and then we sat in the plane waiting to pushback for another two hours.  I gather there was some issue with the air conditioning system that they needed to fix.  In the end, it probably worked out better that way because I had much less time to spend in the Dubai airport (business class seat drinking champagne is more comfortable than some random chair in the Dubai departure gate).

Got to the hotel and went immediately to the fitness center.  Didn't pass go, didn't collect the breakfast buffet.  Got in 10km on the treadmill.  I plan to do some naked body weight exercises and stretching this evening.  And yes, I mean really (almost) naked.  Its something that feels appropriate in a hotel room much more so than at home.  Interesting.

Had a few insights on the way over that I'll briefly share here (because I do need to get to the office). 

• I am "fat".  There is a difference between gaining some weight to go from really lean to just lean.  Did that, now I've gone beyond that.  I'm not lean anymore.  Ok - I'm not really fat either but I'm headed in that direction.  For real.
• My eating "habits" are more appropriate for someone who is messing around with degrees of lean-ness.  Noticed I had all sorts of "rules" like its okay to eat whatever is served on the plane, the calories won't count on a travel day, etc.  Those are fine rules when you really are lean but when you really do need to cut back (see above), they hinder progress.
• I have about 0% compliance to good eating habits.  Somewhere along the line I went from 100% compliance 90% of the time to eating good stuff 90% of the time topped off by some bad stuff 90% of the time.  The result is that about 0% of my meals are compliant/good/perfect (whatever you want to call it) and the non-meal eating is probably even worse.  Remember, there is nothing you can eat that will make you thin.  Its what you don't eat that makes you thin.

Now, off to the office where hopefully I don't have to kick any ass.

Waiting to depart

I'm sitting in my living room watching stuff off Tivo.  That's not where I'm supposed to be right now.  I'm supposed to be an hour or so into my flight to India (via Dubai).  Unfotunately, my flight is delayed by at least 4 hours.  So I'll be leaving for the airport in about 30 minutes or so.  I'm not sure how the trip will turn out.  At this point I don't even get to Hyderabad until 8:55am Monday morning.  And worst of all was that when I tried on my summer clothes, the pants weren't even close to fitting.  They fit so well last summer.  But then I guess that's why I'm doing this.

Today was an okay day.  I got going well and I had some momentum.  Until I found out about the flight delay at which point I had four hours to fill and nothing planned or needed.  So I ended up pretty much wasting the afternoon. 

This morning's workout was Max VO2 followed by swing class with Tracy.  This is one of the workouts that I'm unwilling to give up during my Kettlebell Burn experiment.  Not an issue for at least a week.  Workout looked something like:

5 rounds of 5R/5L warm-up


at :15/:15 - 5 rounds of the following
    8R, 8L, 9R, 9L, 10R, 10L, 9R, 9L, 8R, 8L working into rest on the 9's and 10's
    5 times 8 double snatch (3 times with double 8kgs, 2 times with double 20 lbs)
during class:
5 * 1 minute snatch transfer at 16 snatch per minute pace
5 * 5R/5L
4 * (10 double swing, 5 single snatch)
2 * (10 transfer, 5 single snatch)
2 * (10 transfer, 6 single snatch)
2 * (10 transfer, 7 single snatch)
4 * (10 double swing, 5R/5L snatch)
2 * (10 transfer, 5R/5L snatch)
2 * (10 transfer, 6R/6L snatch)
2 * (10 transfer, 7R/7L snatch)

Kicking ass matters.

In the beginning....

Today marks the first day of my new blog.  I've started this blog to track my progress through my variation of a program called "Kettlebell Burn".  I plan to officially start the program in about a week, after my trip to India.  I can't take a kettlebell with me to India so I will use this next week as a bit of a warm-up on both the blogging and the eating habits. 

A bit about me first (it is my blog after all):

I am a 49 year old female software executive who recently earned her RKC kettlebell certification.  I spent the 6 months leading up to that certification focused on passing it.  Prior to taking up kettlebells I was focused on running and swimming (competing in both).  Since passing the certification, my workouts have drifted and I've gained weight.  It has become clear to me now that I need goals and to keep my attention, those goals have to be bigger than "do 5 pull-ups".  They need to take time and have a path to completion.   Most importantly, they need to be a challenge.

So the goal I've chosen is my variation of "Kettlebell Burn" by Geoff Neupert.  Why that one?  It is the one I was looking at on-line (with my credit card out) when the mood struck.  Why a "variation"?  Well, because Geoff explicitly says to that no extra workouts should be added to his program but I know that I will be adding extra workouts.  I'm acknowledging straight up that I might be messing with his program and any lack of results that I have is my fault and my fault only.  BUT, I don't have many of the stressors in my life that he warns of (2.3 kids, alimony, mortgage payments) and I do have a social life built around physical activity, a dog that needs to go running to stay sane, a personal trainer that I simply will not give up and a whole bunch of time to fill so that I don't fill it with work.  I've trained long/hard at many times in my life and I know that I have a very high tolerance for training before I suffer any symptoms of over-training.  So I'm going to keep doing the things I love to do but take responsibility if it negatively impacts my progress. 

Other than the extra workouts, however, I plan to follow the program as written - for both exercise and eating.

As far as the blogging goes, I've started up this new blog because I just didn't feel like I was going to do it justice if I tried to log progress in my other blog (Sliding Toward 50).  First, I'm going to let this be a public blog which is a bit scary to me.  Second, I sort of try to keep the other blog from becoming a workout log, which means I often have little to say.  This blog will be a workout log - that is its purpose.  Don't look for anything profound to be said here.  I reserve that for the other blog although it rarely happens.  Finally, I'm not sure what will happen with this blog after the 16 week program is over.  The other blog has a beginning unassociated to this program and will stay around after the 16 weeks (well, 17 weeks if you count the warm-up) is over. 

So for my own purposes, here's the summary of what I'm planning (am I equivocating with the repeated use of the word "plan"?) to do:

• Kettlebell Burn workouts - 3 times per week starting the week of April 26
• Kettlebell Burn (PN actually) nutrition, with (paper) food log, starting today
• Blogging of progress at least once per workout (every day/every other day or so)
• Publicly (yikes!) posting weight and measurements bi-weekly starting April 25

Finally, my theme for this experiment is a phrase that Josue sent me before the RKC.  Quite simply it is that "kicking ass matters" and that is what I intend to do.